A view into......comments/critiques?

I light an incense,

and look into

the wisps of smoke



a view into transiency



tree bark

rivers and stars

hands, tears and sweat

ships full of

fragrant memories



touches, moments

on purpose

time taken to lend

sunshine



fleeting brushes

paths crossed, for

reasons, for rains

destruction and growth



images swirl, rising

like prayers, smokey

caresses, the pungent

essence



of the bag of bones

we bear, that crushes

the writhing

of the haze when we

uncurl our smoking hands

to another.A view into......comments/critiques?
our prayers and fears

joy and remembrance

carried

on the smoke of sandelwood

into our memory

thanks for this MizzyA view into......comments/critiques?
Gosh...it's a bit miserable. What is it you want us to feel as a result of reading this? That you see things we don't, or what? Or that your memories are just transient and fleeting like the wisps of smoke. In short, it's not clear. Your vocabulary needs to change. be more accurate and use more metaphor.A view into......comments/critiques?
Yet look not only into the smoke

but the light on the incense burns brightly...

hypnotically

a miniature beacon of brighter times.