I escaped death, but I feel like I shouldn't have.?

Since I was 14, I've had 2 wishes. Either be happy, or die without killing myself. I thought of different ways I could die, like getting shot randomly or being hit by a car. Yesterday, I was driving on a 4 lane freeway when it was raining really hard. I was in the left lane, and started spinning out of control at 70 mph. I just missed the car right next to me, and I did a 540 crossover to the right lane (now facing oncoming traffic), and I crashed right into the guardrail (on the driver's side), and then the car bounced off and did a 360 crossover back to the left until I crashed into the ditch next to the shoulder. I wasn't wearing a seat belt, I was wearing my sunglasses even though it was dark, and when I hit the guardrail, my entire body smashed into the door (since no seat belt was used). My head hit the window pretty hard, my side was bruised, and my neck was hurting. A cop found me 10 minutes later sitting in the smokey car smoking a cigarette, and not even calling my parents or 911. The car is totaled, and the cop said there is no reason I should still be alive, and that the guardrail was weak and should have snapped, sending me off onto a lower road. I am perfectly fine. No scratches, no cuts, no broken bones, no concussion, no nothing asides from a little neck pain and a little bruise. All I could think about before I hit the rail was my best friend whom I'm in love with. Since happiness isn't something that I've really seen in the past 4 1/2 years, I can't help but feel that there was a mistake. I do believe in God, but I feel like I should not have left that accident unharmed. I feel as if I should have died, because I have seen that happening to myself hundreds of times, finally ending everything. Most people find a new found meaning of life, but I feel no different. I've always tried to hide depression from everyone, so no one has ever really thought that there was anything wrong with me. And since it's never been diagnosed, I can't help but feel that there's just something wrong with me asides from depression. Has anyone else just wanted to die without killing themselves?I escaped death, but I feel like I shouldn't have.?
Many people feel this way during their life. It comes from not appreciating the life we have now and taking it for granted.



If you're feeling like you should've died, you're saying that God messed up. God doesn't make errors and if you're still alive, there's a reason for it. You can either continue to drudge through life, unhappy, thinking about death, or you can snap out of it, realize that God gave you the gift of life, and live for Him. The choice is yours. It's your life.